[Trigger Warning: Rape] Rant ahead!
I wish I could say I’m surprised.
I’ve seen rape allegations against transgender individuals blow up on my dash.
And I’ve always been shocked and horrified. Because clearly a transgender person can commit rape, and some must do. And that is horrible and wrong.
Yet there keeps being allegations of rape by transgender people with mountains of evidence against.
A rockstar comes out as a trans-woman and suddenly tumblr is full of stories of her being a rapist. And then it all goes silent because not a single person actually claimed being raped by her. Only that they “heard” something about it once.
Suddenly tumblr is full of stories of trans-men being horrible rapists and boyfriends. And I have no doubt that some trans-men are.
But people start saying things like “trans-men are more sexist then cis men” (!) and “trans-men are all privileged assholes” and “trans-men are all rapist/apologists.” And that makes me really concerned.
And a transgender person gets accused of possible abuse and then it’s suddenly “I knew it!” and “they were so radical they had to be a terrible person!” “They’re clearly a rapist!”
And then it turns out the person accusing was actually a horrible abuser as backed by everyone on tumblr who actual knew the people involved and so could actually speak on the subject.
I want to believe the victim every time. I never want to doubt the person. It’s hard to prove rape, so I want to side with the person most likely harmed/being harmed.
But it’s really hard for me to follow discussions on tumblr. It’s getting to the point where I want to block everything on tumblr that is about “trans” or “transgender” or “gender.”
Do you know how sad that is? As a transgender person, not only have I never felt access to a community but I’m now feeling that I don’t even have access to the clusterfuck of information on my own identity.
Because I want to read tips on how to wear a binder in the summer without dying, how to support myself and others, what progress is being made, what countries would likely kill me, and new reading material with some sense of safety.
I am a trans-man. But I do not have to answer for every trans-men. Some trans-men are my friends. Some I have never met or talked to- believe it or not! I really hate hearing stuff that a transgender, woman or man, or genderqueer did or said, or thought, and having to take responsibility. I’m always explaining, justifying, or apologizing. And I’m fucking sick of it.
And so let me just say this and I’m done:
If you hate trans-men: fuck you. If you hate transgender people of any gender variance: fuck fuck fuck you with a cherry on top. I don’t like you, I don’t want to know or talk to you. Just don’t. Keep your hate to yourself. If you have criticism of what I say, that’s fine. But we don’t need your blind hate around here. Guess what- there’s enough of that out there. This is ridiculous. I never got this much hate for being a lesbian, and I was a way less nice person. I also had way more privilege- there you go! Now you’re all pissed because I said cis-women have more privilege then trans-men. In some ways they really do. In other ways, maybe not. But I’m sick of people treating privilege like a scoring system that magically makes them invulnerable to criticism. Grow up, we can all be shitty people. But no one deserves blind hate based on their membership to a group, and especially not people already targeted by the mainstream society.
Thank you and I’m done.